2 years...

Two years ago today my life changed forever....

I was told that the man that I knew I could always count on and who always had my back was in fact going to die. That there was nothing more to be done... he was going to be leaving us.

I find myself remembering back to where I was when and what came next etc... and I have to be honest. It hurts more now than it did then. When we were actually going through it I was in a fog. I didn't know what it was going to be like to go on without him. I didn't realize how even two years later I still wouldn't have processed the pain properly... I didn't know what was coming....

Now I do... I know how much my life had changed because he is gone. I know how much it hurts to have my children ask questions about one of the greatest men who ever walked the earth and not because to answer them because of my pain. I now know what it is like to have to go on day after day without the greatest man who ever (to me) lived...

I never imagined it would still hurt this much... It's just not right.

Happy Birthday Papa...

Today was a rough day... today would have been my grandfather's 72nd birthday. I had this awesome plan to take the girls to get balloons and take them to the cemetary and put them on his grave along with a cup cake. I ended up going by myself.... I couldn't bring them. They have never been to the cemetary, and I wasn't sure how to explain why we were visiting some dirt on Papa's birthday when they know he is in heaven... they were never told the 'legistics' of what went on.

So here I am in my car with 1 mylar balloon and 6 latex balloons, and a cupcake. I start to pull up the drive way of the cemetary and I get about 1/2 way up the hill and I can't go anymore. I actually had to reverse down the driveway because I couldn't do it.... I just couldn't. So instead I drove for a bit north of town, pulled to the side of the road, wrote a little note and attached it to the balloons, stepped out of my car, removed the weight from the balloons and just let them go....and the cupcake you ask??? I left it by the side of the road too. Not exactly where I had planned to let everything 'go' or be placed... but it was where I 'let it go'....

Happy Birthday grandpa... I hope heaven is as wonderful as you believed it would be... You are missed and loved...our hearts are still broken, but we will NEVER NEVER EVER forget you. WE LOVE YOU PAPA!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Today is also my mother-in-law's birthday. We were unable to attend the family dinner this evening (obviously since they live 500 miles away) but we are planning on being in the Cities in two weeks so we can celebrate with them then.