Thursday, June 30, 2011
Two years....
Its been two years....
It hurts more today then it did then. Then I was in a fog... today I am wide awake. and it hurts....
But I know you are watching me... You are missed and you are loved!!! Your memory will not fade from mine, or the minds of my children.... always and forever loved Papa!!!! We love you!!!
Kind of proud of myself....
Today my oldest asked me if we could go to a local water park. I explained that we couldn't go.
She continued to ask about it and I kind of got tired of having to explain it. So I thought that just maybe if I talked to her like the mature child that Iassumed thought she was and told her that it would cost over $70 for our whole family to go to the water park and that right now we can't afford it.
She stomped and steamed and then she said .... "If you didn't have to many kids we could afford it"....
And it hurt... but I looked at her and said "Ok... pick who you'd want to get rid of just so you can do things like the water park"... she looked at me and burst into tears and ran to her room.
I let her go... I let her think and all by herself she came out and said "Mommy... I'd rather have my whole family then go to a water park ANY DAY!!!"
so what started as a bad mommy moment turned into a learning lesson for my oldest daughter... I think we both learned something though. I learned she can handle the truth... and she learned she actually likes her siblings :)
She continued to ask about it and I kind of got tired of having to explain it. So I thought that just maybe if I talked to her like the mature child that I
She stomped and steamed and then she said .... "If you didn't have to many kids we could afford it"....
And it hurt... but I looked at her and said "Ok... pick who you'd want to get rid of just so you can do things like the water park"... she looked at me and burst into tears and ran to her room.
I let her go... I let her think and all by herself she came out and said "Mommy... I'd rather have my whole family then go to a water park ANY DAY!!!"
so what started as a bad mommy moment turned into a learning lesson for my oldest daughter... I think we both learned something though. I learned she can handle the truth... and she learned she actually likes her siblings :)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Totally Ticks Me off Tuesday
It's been awhile since I did one of these but it is most certainly needed after the last couple weeks, months days that I have been having lately. Totally Ticks me off Tuesday was created by another blogger, and I borrowed it... it seems that she hasn't been posting them with her links anymore, so I hope that she doesn't mind that I am borrowing it again.
be warned... if you don't want to 'listen' to my bitching/ranting/whining then just close the browser window and come back another day....
Here goes......
1. Being unappreciated. I know that what I do seems insignificant to you and irregardless of what you think... I do alot. It may not be what YOU want all the time, but it is what is best for my family. I'm not asking for a parade by any means... but would it really kill you to at least acknowledge my successes.
2. Lack of support. I'm struggling right now, with a lot of things and because I have been told in the past that I tend to be to negative I have been keeping these things to myself. Rather than reaching out and asking for help, I am allowing for myself to get further and further into the hole.... There has been two people that I have felt that I could reach out to... and to them THANK YOU!!!
3. Understanding. In so many aspects of my life.... I would love to have just a little bit of understanding.
4. Lack of honesty. I'm sorry but not telling the 'whole' story is the same thing as lying.
5. If you have something to say.... just say it. You'll feel better and we can all move on from the passive aggressive behaviors.
6. Laundry... nuff said
7. 1/2 finished projects
8. My own compulsive behaviors... I wish I could get a handle on them.
9. Cancer....
10. A certain doctor who stole so much from us....
11. That my grandfather is not here... it isn't any easier 2 years later. In fact because of my own stuff its so much harder. He used to be the one who could talk me off my ledge... He had my back... for real!!
That's enough for today.... Happy Wednesday to everyone tomorrow!!!!
be warned... if you don't want to 'listen' to my bitching/ranting/whining then just close the browser window and come back another day....
Here goes......
1. Being unappreciated. I know that what I do seems insignificant to you and irregardless of what you think... I do alot. It may not be what YOU want all the time, but it is what is best for my family. I'm not asking for a parade by any means... but would it really kill you to at least acknowledge my successes.
2. Lack of support. I'm struggling right now, with a lot of things and because I have been told in the past that I tend to be to negative I have been keeping these things to myself. Rather than reaching out and asking for help, I am allowing for myself to get further and further into the hole.... There has been two people that I have felt that I could reach out to... and to them THANK YOU!!!
3. Understanding. In so many aspects of my life.... I would love to have just a little bit of understanding.
4. Lack of honesty. I'm sorry but not telling the 'whole' story is the same thing as lying.
5. If you have something to say.... just say it. You'll feel better and we can all move on from the passive aggressive behaviors.
6. Laundry... nuff said
7. 1/2 finished projects
8. My own compulsive behaviors... I wish I could get a handle on them.
9. Cancer....
10. A certain doctor who stole so much from us....
11. That my grandfather is not here... it isn't any easier 2 years later. In fact because of my own stuff its so much harder. He used to be the one who could talk me off my ledge... He had my back... for real!!
That's enough for today.... Happy Wednesday to everyone tomorrow!!!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
My life with Twins: Sleeping Arrangements
My dear friend Pam, has been doing a fun thing on Mondays in regards to her multiples. And normally I just read what she writes and chuckle... but today I felt the need to participate. You see she is talking about sleeping arrangements.
When we found out we were expecting twins my brain instantly went to OMFG we have to buy two of everything... we were one of the people who really did buy two of everything... boy were we stupid!!!
We spent tons of money on two cribs, two bedding sets, etc. And this is what the girls room looked like when they were finally brought home after an 11 day NICU stay.
and THIS is how they ended up sleeping for the next several months:
We did try to get them to sleep in their own beds as they got older but honestly that never ended well. We often ended up with one girl (Shelby) trying to climb from her crib into the other. We finally just pushed their cribs together and bunji corded them together so that they couldn't move and the girls could 'safely' climb from one to another.
Here is a video of what often happened when we would try to get them to nap seperately:
We did go against what we had already learned and went ahead and bought two toddler beds and that went ok for a little bit... well except that we had to still have their beds pushed together so that they could hold hands in their sleep...
They now share a full sized bed and I don't see that changing any time soon... they love sharing space with each other... its pretty awesome!!!
When we found out we were expecting twins my brain instantly went to OMFG we have to buy two of everything... we were one of the people who really did buy two of everything... boy were we stupid!!!
We spent tons of money on two cribs, two bedding sets, etc. And this is what the girls room looked like when they were finally brought home after an 11 day NICU stay.
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| Shelby and Avery's finished nursery - Door way view |
 | ||
| Avery and Shelby 11 days old Home at last |
 | |
| Always needed to be close |
 |
| Yes... this is really how we co-slept. It was the ONLY way this mama got any sleep |
We did try to get them to sleep in their own beds as they got older but honestly that never ended well. We often ended up with one girl (Shelby) trying to climb from her crib into the other. We finally just pushed their cribs together and bunji corded them together so that they couldn't move and the girls could 'safely' climb from one to another.
Here is a video of what often happened when we would try to get them to nap seperately:
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| Avery and Shelby in their 'new' beds |
Sunday, June 26, 2011
2 years...
Two years ago today my life changed forever....
I was told that the man that I knew I could always count on and who always had my back was in fact going to die. That there was nothing more to be done... he was going to be leaving us.
I find myself remembering back to where I was when and what came next etc... and I have to be honest. It hurts more now than it did then. When we were actually going through it I was in a fog. I didn't know what it was going to be like to go on without him. I didn't realize how even two years later I still wouldn't have processed the pain properly... I didn't know what was coming....
Now I do... I know how much my life had changed because he is gone. I know how much it hurts to have my children ask questions about one of the greatest men who ever walked the earth and not because to answer them because of my pain. I now know what it is like to have to go on day after day without the greatest man who ever (to me) lived...
I never imagined it would still hurt this much... It's just not right.
I was told that the man that I knew I could always count on and who always had my back was in fact going to die. That there was nothing more to be done... he was going to be leaving us.
I find myself remembering back to where I was when and what came next etc... and I have to be honest. It hurts more now than it did then. When we were actually going through it I was in a fog. I didn't know what it was going to be like to go on without him. I didn't realize how even two years later I still wouldn't have processed the pain properly... I didn't know what was coming....
Now I do... I know how much my life had changed because he is gone. I know how much it hurts to have my children ask questions about one of the greatest men who ever walked the earth and not because to answer them because of my pain. I now know what it is like to have to go on day after day without the greatest man who ever (to me) lived...
I never imagined it would still hurt this much... It's just not right.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
trying not to be bitter....
Tomorrow is Father's day... and frankly I'm majorly torn.... why you ask?
Because Mother's Day around our house is just the same as any other day... there is no fan fare, there is no celebrations and sometimes just sometimes I am lucky enough to get chucked a card (and I mean literally thrown) about bed time with a "oh sorry forgot" or the ever famous "your not my mom"....
Well once again I have gone much further than he... today the kids and I am worked on a shirt that I purchased a few weeks ago that labels him "Best Dad in the World Hands Down"... with their hand prints on it and I also purchased him a coffee mug with a vintage motorcycle on it.
Part of me so wants to be childish and pull the same garbage he pulls... but really in the end who wins? No one. But that doesn't mean I don't want to.... but as usual I will be the 'bigger' person, and do it for the kids...
Hope everyone else has an amazing Father's Day
Because Mother's Day around our house is just the same as any other day... there is no fan fare, there is no celebrations and sometimes just sometimes I am lucky enough to get chucked a card (and I mean literally thrown) about bed time with a "oh sorry forgot" or the ever famous "your not my mom"....
Well once again I have gone much further than he... today the kids and I am worked on a shirt that I purchased a few weeks ago that labels him "Best Dad in the World Hands Down"... with their hand prints on it and I also purchased him a coffee mug with a vintage motorcycle on it.
Part of me so wants to be childish and pull the same garbage he pulls... but really in the end who wins? No one. But that doesn't mean I don't want to.... but as usual I will be the 'bigger' person, and do it for the kids...
Hope everyone else has an amazing Father's Day
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
2 wrongs.....
I am frustrated with society. Roughly a week ago a sports celebrity used the "R" word. There was no real backlash, other than a few status updates on Facebook. There was no formal apology, there was nothing. The other day another celebrity made negative remarks in regards to sexual orientation and he has been blasted up one wall and down the other (AS HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN)... he has since apologized and has offered to help with legislation etc.
Why is society not up in arms because of the use of the "R" word... if this sports figure had used a racial slur, a slur against sexual orientation or had an affair he would have been blasted ineo the media. He would have been made accountable for his poor choices and would have been made to apologize.... but since he "JUST" used the "R" word that makes it ok?
Really people??? Where are our moral compasses??? THIS is just WRONG plain and simple...
It is not because I am the mom of special needs kids that I find the "R" word offensive... I find it offensive simply because IT IS!!! Get with it people!!!
http://www.r-word.org/Default.aspx
Why is society not up in arms because of the use of the "R" word... if this sports figure had used a racial slur, a slur against sexual orientation or had an affair he would have been blasted ineo the media. He would have been made accountable for his poor choices and would have been made to apologize.... but since he "JUST" used the "R" word that makes it ok?
Really people??? Where are our moral compasses??? THIS is just WRONG plain and simple...
It is not because I am the mom of special needs kids that I find the "R" word offensive... I find it offensive simply because IT IS!!! Get with it people!!!
http://www.r-word.org/Default.aspx
Monday, June 13, 2011
if life were a pimple
I've have acne....
There has been a lot going on and around in my house the past few weeks. Not just for me, but for the children, others, and even our town as a whole. Well my personal frustrations with some of these things came to a head on Friday... and it wasn't pretty. I was certainly not parenting (or wiving, or daughtering) from my 'engine'... I was in full out 'trunk' mode.
Friday evening I got the ever famous "what did you do all day".... and it wasn't in a 'just want to know how your day went' type of manner, not once but twice. So I burst, but thankfully I was mature enough to just burst internally. After the kids were in bed I started cleaning... and I mean like a mad woman.I had decided that I was going to clean the house and then not do anything (for real) for the entire weekend where housekeeping was concerned. I loaded the dishes, started the machine, cleaned the rest of the kitchen and walked away. I went down stairs and placed a load of (MY) clothes into the wash and stayed up long enough to put them into the dryer and then again I walked away.
This weekend was crazy, I'll give others that. But in the span of less than 24 hours, my kitchen table completely disappeared, as did my counters. Last night I actually heard someone say "Great, I have to rewash my clothes because you didn't take your clothes out of the dryer"... umm hello?? The basket was right there...
So again worn down from a busy weekend of running, errands and children not on schedule, and me just plain out worn down, I stomped away and restarted the laundry and went to clean my kitchen. I bend to open the dishwasher and what do I find???? A dishwasher (that was previously clean dishes that I had not unloaded) with roughly 14 things in it ... that includes individual pieces of silverware. Rather than unload the whole machine people were just grabbing what they needed... UGH!!!!
so on top of my kitchen being trashed and looking like no one has touched anything in months now I'm just mad... I'm still mad and my kitchen is STILL a mess :( hopefully tomorrow will be another day and I'll be able to get it together and clean up alot of stuff...
There has been a lot going on and around in my house the past few weeks. Not just for me, but for the children, others, and even our town as a whole. Well my personal frustrations with some of these things came to a head on Friday... and it wasn't pretty. I was certainly not parenting (or wiving, or daughtering) from my 'engine'... I was in full out 'trunk' mode.
Friday evening I got the ever famous "what did you do all day".... and it wasn't in a 'just want to know how your day went' type of manner, not once but twice. So I burst, but thankfully I was mature enough to just burst internally. After the kids were in bed I started cleaning... and I mean like a mad woman.I had decided that I was going to clean the house and then not do anything (for real) for the entire weekend where housekeeping was concerned. I loaded the dishes, started the machine, cleaned the rest of the kitchen and walked away. I went down stairs and placed a load of (MY) clothes into the wash and stayed up long enough to put them into the dryer and then again I walked away.
This weekend was crazy, I'll give others that. But in the span of less than 24 hours, my kitchen table completely disappeared, as did my counters. Last night I actually heard someone say "Great, I have to rewash my clothes because you didn't take your clothes out of the dryer"... umm hello?? The basket was right there...
So again worn down from a busy weekend of running, errands and children not on schedule, and me just plain out worn down, I stomped away and restarted the laundry and went to clean my kitchen. I bend to open the dishwasher and what do I find???? A dishwasher (that was previously clean dishes that I had not unloaded) with roughly 14 things in it ... that includes individual pieces of silverware. Rather than unload the whole machine people were just grabbing what they needed... UGH!!!!
so on top of my kitchen being trashed and looking like no one has touched anything in months now I'm just mad... I'm still mad and my kitchen is STILL a mess :( hopefully tomorrow will be another day and I'll be able to get it together and clean up alot of stuff...
Friday, June 10, 2011
1,000 posts???
I can not believe that it has been 4 1/2 years and 1,000 posts ago that my blog was started. Alot has happened since the first post on December 18, 2006... ALOT.
In December of 2006 Delainey was three, Shelby and Avery were just about to turn one and there was no Brody :) We were just in the beginning stages of thinking 'something' was up with Shelby and Avery as they were still only 14 lbs and wearing 3-6 months clothes. We were also in the beginning stages of trying to figure out Shelby's quirks.
I created the blog so that we could stay in touch with family and friends who were further away. I created this blog as a way to stay connected with them... and honestly there are now days that I wished I hadn't, but then I think about the fact that my children will be able to look back on this and see what life/memories really were ... well from MY perspective :)
I don't want to quote a silly reality television show but it completely fits.... "It may be a crazy life.... but its ours" and honestly... I LOVE IT!!!!
Here is a picture I took of the kidlets a few days ago... enjoy!!
In December of 2006 Delainey was three, Shelby and Avery were just about to turn one and there was no Brody :) We were just in the beginning stages of thinking 'something' was up with Shelby and Avery as they were still only 14 lbs and wearing 3-6 months clothes. We were also in the beginning stages of trying to figure out Shelby's quirks.
I created the blog so that we could stay in touch with family and friends who were further away. I created this blog as a way to stay connected with them... and honestly there are now days that I wished I hadn't, but then I think about the fact that my children will be able to look back on this and see what life/memories really were ... well from MY perspective :)
I don't want to quote a silly reality television show but it completely fits.... "It may be a crazy life.... but its ours" and honestly... I LOVE IT!!!!
Here is a picture I took of the kidlets a few days ago... enjoy!!
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