Share Your *TTC/Fertility/Secondary Infertility Story Blog Carnival

*Trying to Conceive

Simply Mel has come up with an amazing idea and I thought I'd join in on it with her. We met (ok, so we didn't really meet as we only know each other online) via MckMama's Blog and MckForum. She posted the other day about starting up a "Share your TTC/Fertility/Secondary Infertility Story Blog Carnival" and I was all over that.

I know that infertility used to be something that women/men/families suffered with in silence but not any more. Thankfully we have amazing web site, blog sites, and even online communities that can support us in our journey and struggles to have our family. It is not an easy road to struggle to achieve something that we all 'think' is going to come easy just because we want it.

Some people go into their TTC journey knowing that there could be a problem...that was our case. In 1996 at the age of 15 I was diagnosed with AML a form of leukemia. The treatment for this was 7 months of intense chemotherapy ( I literally was in the hospital the entire time with only days out of it for 7 months straight). In this time I dropped 30 lbs (thankfully I had it to lose right), was given medications to completely stop my menstrual cycle and was told point blank that if any of my eggs did survive I would not be able to carry a child to term because of the way my hormones and body make up would be affected by the chemotherapy...this was devastating to hear at 15 when all I ever wanted was to be a mom...but I knew that while I may not be able to have biological children I knew that there were other options. I often joked during my treatments that my mom would become the grandmother to United Nations because I was just going to 'get a baby' from every country (forgive me for being so silly... I was 15 and had no idea how adoption really worked at the time...I was just trying to make myself feel better).  After I was done with my treatments I put the idea of children out of my mind. I threw myself into school and my after school job. I distanced myself from friends who I used to be friends with because it was easier to just not talk to them then to worry about how they 'saw' me now that I was broken.

After my senior year of high school was over I moved the the Twin Cities. It was here that I learned more more about myself then I ever thought I could possibly learn. I came to the point that if I couldn't have my own children I would just help other people raise theirs. I became a nanny and this was hands down the BEST job I ever had. It was also during this time that I met my husband. I will never forget our first date... here we are talking about those things that you talk about on a first date and I just said "Oh..by the way I had cancer when I was 15 and may not be able to have biological children...how do you feel about that"... the look on Chad's face was priceless...and his response was even better "umm well since this is a first date I am not too concerned about us having kids right now, but in the event that your possible inability to have children ever comes up...know that I have no problem buying kids... they sell them like crazy on this corner east of  Selby"

So here Chad and I were, planning our wedding and of course the 'kids' talk came up again... at this point I had been involved in enough families to know that I wanted that...regardless of how we achieved it... I WANTED CHILDREN, and I didn't care what color, race, creed etc they were, and Chad agreed. We agreed that we would try for a while and if it didn't happen then adoption would certainly be an option for us, we also agreed that we didn't care what others thought about our choice to adopt...we also decided that if we were blessed with a biological family that we would also adopt later. Adoption was always an option for us...the only reason we decided to 'try for awhile' first was because we just didn't have the money to fund an adoption right away...so we tried.

We were successful... I will never forget the joy and excitement when I saw those two lines on that home pregnancy test...and it happened so quickly (TAKE THAT DOCTORS---or so I thought)...we were over the moon...we were going to have the family that we dreamed of...together. Sadly, that pregnancy ended far to soon... this would be the first of many loses for Chad and I.

I don't know how many times I heard "you can try again" or "you are young don't push it" blah blah blah...none of this is seen as supportive when all you want is a family... We sought dr after dr for help but because of our ages (I was 21 and Chad was 25) no one would help us because we were 'too young'. We decided to move to Bismarck where I had already established a relationship with a few doctors. In April 2003 we again received the news that we were pregnant...with the help of hormone supplements we were able to sustain the pregnancy and our daughter Delainey was born on 11/28/03 at 36 weeks. We were over the moon and so in love with her from the very second...

Chad and Delainey 11/28/03 this picture does no do justice to the moment that was shared between the two of them...she took hold of his heart from that very moment and has not let go since...

After Delainey was born Chad and I decided that we did not want to have to wait so long to add to our family again, so we started TTC right away... this time it was again months of waiting, treatments, losses, pain, etc. It was during this time that we were given an actual diagnosis of PCOS and a progestrone deficiency. We finally met with our doctor and said "ok..this is out last shot...after this we are done"... well apparently we just needed to let go and let God because in May 2005 we received a positive pregnancy test and again with medications, treatments etc we were able to sustain the pregnancy. We learned on June 6, 2005 that we were expecting twins. We were over the moon with joy. Our twin daughters were born on 12/26/05 after a rough pregnancy at 34 weeks 3 days gestation. They spent 11 days in the NICU but were welcomed home into happy and joyous arms.

Shelby and Avery in NICU 1/2006

After the birth of our twins and the health issues that I suffered during their pregnancy we decided that we were in fact done having biological children. We figured that since it had been so hard to conceive and remain pregnant that under advisement of our doctors that this chapter in our lives was done. We were happy with our 3 beautiful healthy girls and our lives were complete. In the spring of 2007 Chad and I began the discussion of adding to our family again...but this time through adoption. We had friends who had recently brought home children from Ethiopia and we felt called to do the same. We were in the beginning stages of our home study when we learned that we were expecting. It was the greatest shock and joy ever... at our first pregnancy doctor appointment my doctor said "What are you doing here"...and Chad (the king of one liners) responded with "I'd like to ask you the same thing" ...  we began our medication and treatments to be able to sustain our pregnancy and our son Brody was born 12/3/07.

Brody and Delainey

We were shocked to learn that we were able to conceive Brody without any medical intervention...in fact we were given a .003% chance of conceiving on our own...this little boy was meant to be here. I strongly believe that Brody is here based on the fact that at the time of his conception I was trying to lose weight and was in fact at the lowest weight I had been at in years and I was also taking my glucophage to control some insulin resistance.

I hope that my story has given you hope and it encourages you to continue your dream of having a family... but please remember that a child does not have to be biological to be yours... there are many ways to create a family, we just happened to have amazing health coverage that allowed us to try a bit longer than others, and we also didn't have the 'extra' anywhere else to be able to go the adoption route as soon as we both would have liked... My prayers are with you all in this journey...God Bless you all...