The holidays are certainly a time of stress for our family, but specifically for Shelby (and more and more Brody too). The change in routine, the crowds of people -- in our house--, the excitement that her brain just can't grasp a handle on, people touching her things, people wanting her to 'be quiet' or worse "just sit still".
Thankfully I came across an amazing mother and blogger, Hartley. Hartley has 3 amazing children...she blogs about her family's sensational life at her blog Hartley's Life with 3 Boys. She can also be found on facebook under the same name...check her out. Today on Facebook she posted "Do you struggle with family visits during the holidays?"... Hartley's mother Helen Nickelson wrote a post on Hartley's blog and I wanted to share pieces of it here with you. You can find the whole piece on Hartley's blog HERE. Here are just the highlights that I wanted to share that REALLY stuck out to me. Please if you know a sensational child... take the time to read the article in full at Hartley's blog. Thank you!!
Believe your child. Firstly and most importantly, believe your daughter or son when they tell you what challenges their child(ren) face and what accommodations they need. Seriously, they KNOW what’s going on. They are not making this stuff up. I realize it’s difficult because you don’t see it. You’re not there every day and most kids can “keep it together” for short periods…like when they are with their grandparents.
Understand that your child and her family may not be able to come to your home for holidays because the trip would be nearly impossible for your grandchild. The change in routine, the lack of structure may be too much. Understand, too, that when you come to visit, you may need to stay in a hotel, because the disruption could be too much. There are many things we need to understand.
Understand when her child has a meltdown, that it is much different than a “fit” and is NOT the result of bad parenting or lack of discipline. And it shouldn’t be embarrassing to anyone other than the judgmental bystander. You know, the one who shakes her head or rolls her eyes. One day, you won’t even notice that person. That will be, as Oprah would say, an “aha moment” for you. I hope it comes quickly for you. It is a wonderful feeling.
Remember, this is not your problem to solve. Your child is fully capable and the best person to know what needs to be done. Your job is to listen, to actually hear what she is saying, to be there for her, both emotionally and physically. Understand when she tells you they cannot do something, or go somewhere, you desperately wanted the whole family to do, that she isn’t trying to punish you; that she is only doing what’s needed to keep her child calm & regulated. Don’t show your disappointment, it only makes her feel worse.
Acceptance. Finally, accept that life is what it is. Just because it’s different than what you imagined or experienced as a child or parent, doesn’t make it less than. If your grandchild is comfortable, calm and regulated, any experience will be enjoyable for him and that will make it enjoyable for his parents -- and THAT should make it enjoyable for you.
All priting in italics is taken directly from the article by Helen Nickelson with is posted on the blog Hartley's Life with 3 Boys. For the Complete article pleas visit HERE.
A special thank you to both Hartley and her mother, Helen for sharing this with us. The two of you are amazing and I wish I personally had more people like the two of you in my life and in the lives of my sensational children. THANK YOU!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment