I'm not ready

She can count to 20, she knows her ABC’s, she loves to color and play with her little sisters ~ But I’m not ready!She knows not to talk to strangers, looks both ways before crossing the street and loves to jump in big puddles ~ But I’m not ready!!

She has big blue eyes, lovely blond hair, she wants to be a pilot and she is a 3foot tall whirlwind of pink ~ But I’m not ready!!

Today I walked around a classroom full of colorful pictures and little chairs. I got a little workbook of at home exercises and I met with a few lovely teachers. In 5 months time these people will take care of my little princess for 6hrs a day, 5 days a week. They will teach her and show her all kinds of new games and she will meet 19 other kids her own age ~ But I’m not ready!!

I remember my first day at kindergarden, I cried! I wanted my mom to come back for me, and I didn’t want to stay. The teacher was so nice, she carried me around that room all day until my mom came back. That’s the only day I remember in kindergarten.

I also remember my last day in high school, I cried! I didn’t want to leave, I loved the people I met there, the teachers I had there and everything I had learnt. The teachers were so nice, they hugged me and wished me all the best. Told me to come back and visit all the time. I remember almost everyday of 12th grade.


You know 4 years ago I was pregnant with Delainey, dreaming of all the fun we would have in our "special" years together before she would go to school, I dreamed of teaching her to say her ABC's and counting etc. But then toddler hood snuck up on us and I caught myself saying things like "only X amount of time until she goes to school". Well today I went and registered her for preschool, and I bawled my eyes out. Technically she does not "have" to go, but because she has only ever been home with me I want her in preschool for 2 years so she 'learns' to listen to other adults, plus she needs a little bit more "teaching' than I have the skills for. I think deep down preschool was the reason that I had a hard time pushing her to potty train... I KNEW if she was still in diapers she would be home with me *shhh don't tell anyone I admitted that PLEASE*.

Tonight as she fell asleep on my lap while we were cuddling, I held her and cried knowing that these are some of the last times she will be able to just sit in my arms until 10pm and cuddle because she will have to wake up for school.

I even went so far to ask Chad "If she doesn't like school, can I take her out?"... anyone who KNOWS Delainey knows she is going to love school... the real question I should have asked was "If I don't like her going to school can I pull her out"... I know that there is always the option of homeschooling, but I respect the school system too much for that, (no, I am not saying anything bad about homeschoolers.. I have several friends who do, but I also have several friends who are teachers as well) and I know that I would not do my children justice being their primary school teacher... I am just not organized enough for that.

So it is with a heavy heart I am offering my eldest child up to the school system... please pray for her teachers because I am so going to be that parent that teachers talk about because they DON'T want my kids because of me ha-ha--- I think ;)